True item: I have been invited back to my county fair this year to once again try my unskilled and awkward hand at milking a goat.

True item: I have been invited back to my county fair in New York this year to once again try my unskilled and awkward hand at milking a goat.

However long last year’s goat-milking heat took is the sum total of my experience in this department. The invitation and my acceptance prove that some people — like fair organizers and me — never learn. Why do I think the goats didn’t have a say in this?

I wrote last year the event had all the makings of a bad summer movie, which means this year’s edition has all the makings of a bad summer sequel ...

ANNOUNCER: In a world where cotton candy counts as fruit ...

COUNTY FAIR FOOD STAND GUY: Two glazed-donut burgers and a bag of deep-fried eclairs!

ANNOUNCER: ... a small-town columnist ...

NEWSPAPER READER: Hey, aren’t you the guy from the newspaper? Who writes that column? You stink!

ANNOUNCER: ... who had a bad experience with a goat ...

LAWYER: I’m with Boylan, Browne, Code, Vigdor, Wilson, Celino, Barnes, Shapiro, Shapiro and Shapiro, and I represent Doozy-Mae.

ANNOUNCER: ... picks himself up ...

COLUMNIST’S BEST FRIEND: Isn’t that your third drink?

COLUMNIST: They’re called Pick-Me-Ups!

ANNOUNCER: ... dusts himself off ...

COLUMNIST: I just need something to practice on.

COLUMNIST’S PET, TEE-J the DOG: Don’t look at me!

ANNOUNCER: ... and proves that dreams ...

COLUMNIST: What’s that about dreams, Mr. Announcer?

ANNOUNCER: ... come ...

COLUMNIST: “Come true”? Is that what you’re going to say? Why do you have to drag everything out?

ANNOUNCER: ... true!

COLUMNIST: Trust me, Announcer Guy, my craziest dream has never included a goat.

ANNOUNCER: With his job on the line ...

COLUMNIST: Whaa? My job isn’t —

ANNOUNCER: ... and his marriage on the rocks ...

COLUMNIST: Where do you get this stuff? I’m not even ma —

ANNOUNCER: ... he’ll have to prove that he’s man enough ...

COLUMNIST: What happened to the goat milking?

ANNOUNCER: ... and smart enough ...

COLUMNIST: Am I in the wrong movie trailer?

ANNOUNCER: ... to save both.

COLUMNIST, NEWSPAPER READER, LAWYER, WORK COLLEAGUES, BEST FRIEND, LOVED ONES, COUNTY FAIR-GOERS and TEE-J the DOG: I think we all know the answer to that!

ANNOUNCER: “First Milk: Part 2”!

COLUMNIST: I thought the sequel was called “Milk Harder with a Vengeance”?

ANNOUNCER: Coming this week, to the Wayne County Fair.

Kevin Frisch’s column, Funny Thing ..., appears each Sunday in the Canandaigua Daily Messenger. Contact him at (585) 394-0770, ext. 257, or via email at kfrisch@messengerpostmedia.com.