“Audrey Hepburn is tilted again,” I told my husband as I entered the kitchen.

“That’s a shame,” he said without looking up from his omelet.

“Hey honey,” I said. “This is serious!”

“Right,” he said. “Then untilt her.”

I made a face which he didn’t see because he was still focused on his omelet. But I was annoyed. After selling our house, we rented an apartment until we could figure out what our next move would be. The apartment came furnished and, apparently, whoever had decorated had a thing for Audrey Hepburn. There were three different posters of her in the front hall, a “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” poster in the living room and two more Audreys in each bedroom. Every time I walked into the apartment I felt this sudden urge to put on pearls and sing “Moon River.”

To be honest, I was okay with all the Audreys. What I wasn’t okay with was how all the Audreys seemed to mysteriously tilt every so often while we slept. It was like the fairy tale about elves who came in each night to the cobbler’s shop and finished all his half-made shoes. But instead of helpful cobbler elves we had evil Audrey elves who thought she looked better leaning to the left.

To any normal person, having tilted posters would not be a big deal. But I’m slightly neurotic and I have trouble with things like towels folded the wrong way, fruit bowls that are off center on the table, and, of course, tilted Audrey Hepburn pictures. My husband might not notice that the posters are tilted for a week or more, or ever, just like he doesn’t notice when his socks are on the floor for more than a day. But I see the tilted Audreys the minute I enter a room and must fix her before I can do anything else. That being the case, it behooved me to find the culprit behind the tilting of the Audreys so I could stop the madness, and also find another song to sing while I was at home.

“Do you have any idea who keeps tilting the Audreys?” I asked my husband after I finished setting the Audreys straight.

“I don’t,” he replied.

“Well I need to figure this out before I go all Holly GoCrazy on you.”

“Maybe Audrey Hepburn is tilting the Audreys,” he said.

“I don’t understand.”

“Maybe the ghost of Audrey Hepburn is haunting our apartment and she is tilting her pictures at night to get your attention.”

“I don’t think Audrey would do that to me,” I said. “Katherine Hepburn maybe, but not Audrey.”

I stormed out of the kitchen to get my laptop, stopped to pick up my husband’s socks and toss them in the hamper and then headed back to the kitchen. When I returned, I noticed that the Audreys were all tilted again.

“Argh!! What is going on?” I demanded.

My husband looked amused.

“What? I said.

He snickered. “Actually honey, I’ve been tilting the Audreys.”

“Huh? Why would you do that?” I said.

He shrugged. “I figured if you were busy with the Audreys, you wouldn’t bother me about my socks on the floor.”

You can follow Tracy on Twitter @TracyBeckerman and become a fan on Facebook at www.facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage.