A-E and his favorite Canadaphobe enjoyed lunch with college classmates recently which reminded that Pat laughs at everything Canadian except the disgusting and unhealthy concoction "poutine," an artery-busting Quebecois concoction made of fat, French fries and topped with a greasy gravy. That reminded the author of this nonsense from Paul Pirie, a Canadian freelance writer: “Let’s look at those English-speaking countries that rejected the American Revolution and retained the monarchy, particularly Canada, which experienced an influx of American refugees after the British defeat. (Editor’s note: For the record, several of those were A-E’s ancestors) The new republic started advancing life and liberty by keeping a substantial part of its population enslaved. This, at least, proves the frequent British put-down that Americans don’t have a sense of irony. By contrast, British-controlled Canada abolished slavery almost 20 years before the War of 1812, sometimes called America’s ‘Second Revolution.’ A good number of free blacks fought with the British against the United States in that conflict, even participating in the burning of Washington, DC. And if, as some scholars argue, the Civil War was the unfinished business of the American Revolution, then Americans, like the Russians, paid a very high human cost for their revolutions.”

Black beaters live on and on

A-E watched a rusty old F-150 help start a red two-ton truck the old fashioned way: the beater toed the truck and within maybe six feet the big engine on the big red truck was humming. The beater pilot removed the chain and both vehicles speeded north on Route 36. Somebody once must have said something about the big F-150 V-8 engine, maybe “Those are really big cylinders.”

More negative comments about the Midwest

A-E was chatting at a gathering with someone who knew about Russell, Kan. Frau on a cross-country trip once suggested we look at the town that’s famous for Sen. Bob Dole, a man whom we admire. They drove into Russell and instantly understood why Sen. Dole spent decades and retirement in Washington, D.C. And apparently was willing to go to Italy and lose use of an arm. Somehow the term “Dullest town in America” comes to mind.

Greatest sounding places in the world

Frau and your favorite scribbler like the sounds of such polysyllabic place names Escondido, Antigonish, Cochabamba, Conshohocken, Tonawanda, Oijeongbu, Cheektowaga, Olongapo and Greater Jasper.

A-E, bon afide rainmaker

The author of this Weakly Nonsense recently brought you rolling rainstorms, including a tornado. Here’s how that meteorological monster occurred: Frau decided her wilting wisteria needed a solid soak, a steady saturation, an immense immersion, so A-E bought a brass fitting to repair the watering hose connection. With the drive to the hardware emporium, a lunch break and lack of hand-eye coordination, your hero completed the 10-minute repair in two hours. Post-repair, rains fell as a tropical torrent remarkably similar to a monsoon. Another soaker fell overnight. In the a.m., A-E found the rain gauge filled to 2.5 inches, he swears on a stack of NOAA climate change reports.

I do hereby bequeath to xenophobe Pat…

A-E’s will leave a dozen years of The Loyalist Gazette, the excellent magazine of the United Empire Loyalist Association of Canada, to xenophobe Correspondent-Classmate Pat with the hopes that he’ll enjoy reviewing articles about A-E’s ancestors and the Canadian side of he American Revolution and the War of 1812. Sorry about the spellings of rumour, humour, storey, tumour, colour, centre, etal: God save the Queen, Pat.

Note Pat’s the same xenophobe mentioned in the first snippet of this space.

Even more of the Hugh Troy legend

Hugh Troy, the patron practical joker of A-E’s college Alma Mater, painted the giant globe in the lobby of the old Daily News Building in New York City. All the cities on it are national capitals, except one: Ithaca, the home of Hugh’s, Pat’s and A-E’s alma mater.

Al Bruce of Canisteo writes a weekly column for The Evening Tribune.